I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
