somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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