The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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