How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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