so explain again why im purple
no
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
