I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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