I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
