I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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