Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
