Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
