Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm like, not good at living.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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