4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
