My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
