just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
