tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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