i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
