I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
