My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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