I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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