My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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