remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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