is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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