I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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