I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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