i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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