he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
