It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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