U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
