dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize