I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
