Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
