like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
