I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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