That's intense
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
