found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
