she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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