Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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