I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
love makes seman taste better
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
