She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You're like the curious george of whores
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
