I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
