I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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