I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There r osticjed everywhere
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
