How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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