Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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