I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
