Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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