do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
