i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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