Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
