We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
