Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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