I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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