Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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