Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
