you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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