i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
