Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
