I faked an abortion last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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