he puts the penis in happiness.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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