i wish my penis had a tongue
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
