Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
