Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
