I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
