are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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