I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
