how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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