i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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