What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
