Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
