She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You're like the curious george of whores
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
