Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
