you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
