you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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