I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
