Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
